We feel the need to refute claims within our household that we are not helpful. We have come under steady fire, especially in the last few weeks. We have been falsely accused of not only failure to assist, but also deliberately hindering the activities of our humans. The log of claims looks something like this:
- deliberately getting underfoot in the kitchen
- maliciously attacking staff
- creating fur drifts and generally furring the whole house
- on the same topic – deliberately putting fur on humans’ clothes just as they walk out of the house, and
- maliciously damaging furniture
I wish to to address these claims and not just proclaim our innocence but also to establish that we are the most helpful cats in the world.
Deliberately getting underfoot in the kitchen
Well, it is our kitchen and it is where food comes from, and our humans are inordinately messy! Once she dropped a whole chicken wing and we did her a favour by cleaning it up as evidenced by the picture below.
Maliciously attacking staff
Wicket, in particular is accused of this crime against humanity. It has been said that he bites humans on the butt in a malicious manner. Supposedly this has even occurred as the humans try to enter the shower. The attacks occur in only 2 places in the house – the bathroom and the kitchen. In both cases, Wicket is trying to protect the humans. Of course he bites them when they want to get in the shower – that place is dangerous! All that water can’t be good for humans. And as for the kitchen attacks – he is just trying to let them know that he is there on duty, so please don’t step on him. Nothing malicious about it.
Theft!! of what?? Apparently it is the theft of food from kitchen bench tops and the following photo has been submitted as evidence:
That wasn’t theft! It was quality checking. We have to make sure that the quality of our human’s food is good enough for their consumption.
Deliberately furring the house and clothes
Well, this is hardly a crime! What would a home be without fur all through it? How else are other kitties and puppies supposed to know that our humans have already been hired? We wouldn’t want them to think that our humans are available. Or would we?? After the log of claims submitted recently, we might well have to find ourselves some new humans.
Maliciously damaging furniture
Apparently the couch is not a scratching post or a tree. The bannisters are not meant to be climbed and the cushions are not meant for playing hide and seek with our toys. Well of course the couch and the bannisters are not trees, but we haven’t got a tree so what are we supposed to use (and don’t say the scratching post because that’s not a tree either). And as for the cushions, they are so meant for playing hide and seek.
And to add strength to our case, I wish to submit evidence that we are indeed helpful: