Before I get onto my campaign speech, I would like to thank our Pawty President Mr Bumpy for his support. During the week Mr Bumpy announced some key positions in his government when the Feline Pawty wins the September election:
Billy, the Feline Pawty Candidate for Wide Bay will be the Environment Minispurr. He will be in charge of green tape to make it hard for companies to damage Australia.
Me, the Feline Pawty Candidate for Adelaide, will be the Speakpurr because of my strong paw. I need to make sure everyone in parliament behaves and that the honorary kitties are taken for walkies before each session.
Standby for further key appointments to the Feline Pawty.
Now… to my campaign launch. As you all know, the Feline Pawty key policies include unfetterred access to catnip, including legalisation of the importation of catnip flavoured temptations, homes for all kitties including all the essentials like litter trays, treats and stinky fish; and education for humans to ensure all kitties have competent staff. Please be sure to check the Feline Pawty web site for full details of the feline pawty policies.
Of course, as a loyal Feline Pawty member, I fully support these policies. I am very lucky that I have trained humans that look after me and give me treats. And we recently took in a poor homeless kitty because all kitties deserve a home. Because it is unfair for kitties to be homeless, the Feline Pawty will encourage all houses to have at least one kitty each, thereby substantially reducing homelessness. All kitties will be entitled to a free microchip so that if they get lost, they will be able to find their homes.
As for catnip! We have a very good furrend, Killer Parrot, in America who grows wonderful catnip and makes fabulous catnip toys. Unfortunately, there are a militant bunch of puppies in customs who have decided that catnip toys are not allowed. Thankfully, we have our own catnip supply in the backyard so we can make our own. When we are elected, I will introduce a bill that makes it compulsory for all humans to have at least 3 catnip plants in their backyards so that all kitties have access to catnip.
And finally, a word on education. We have a junior staff member in our house who has been fully trained to meet our every need. This education should be compulsory for all humans. I propose that all human children will be taught animal care at school to improve the standard of living for critters. To ensure ongoing education and training of humans, each year in line with our birthdays, our government should test our humans to ensure that they meet the right standards. Any that fall below par will be provided with remedial training.
I hope that you all realise that it is time for change and for us to toss the humans out of government. I urge you to vote 1 for your local Feline Pawty candidate in the House of Representatives and simply place a “1” next to the Feline Pawty on the Senate ticket.